Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Entwined: Book Review

I find myself giving another negative review. Sorry if this is an overload of negativity. My next few reviews will be of glowingly wonderful books. Promise.

Entwined by Heather Dixon
Description: Azalea is trapped. Just when she should feel that everything is before her . . . beautiful gowns, dashing suitors, balls filled with dancing . . . it's taken away. All of it. The Keeper understands. He's trapped, too, held for centuries within the walls of the palace. And so he extends an invitation. Every night, Azalea and her eleven sisters may step through the enchanted passage in their room to dance in his silver forest. But there is a cost. The Keeper likes to keep things. Azalea may not realize how tangled she is in his web until it is too late

Review: This book had an interesting cover. Sadly, that was the very most interesting thing about the book. Seriously, just take a nice long look at the cover and move on. It has nothing else to offer.

Let's just work through this book's issues methodically.

The Plot:
Was boring. Horribly boring. There are twelve dull princesses who are somehow, and highly inexplicably, poor. That's right. Their dad is the king, ruler of the country. They live in a castle. They are poor. "Is the country having hard times?" You might ask. Nope. The Kings have refused to raise taxes AT ALL for hundreds of years (like all wise Kings, none of them understood inflation, or that they rule the country, or that they are King. Inbreeding perhaps?). So they are poor. It totally makes sense. Anyhoo, back to the lame plot. Are you ready? These twelve, dull, poor princesses lose their mother from an illness, then they feel like their dad (the King, just to be clear) doesn't like them much. So they all whine and dance. A lot. Whine. Dance. Whine. Dance. For 500 pages. I could not read one more description of a dance (which, actually I just skipped over those parts because of the boringness thereof). This is the entire plot. I kid you not. Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention the dancing is done secretly in a magical place. Oh my goodness!

The World:
The magic of this world could not be more nonsensical. Once upon a time there was an evil magical king. He was super duper evil and he had lots of magic, so he only did evil things (here entereth the one dimensional villain). Somehow (this is only vaguely referenced as to how), he got all conquered, but there are random magical objects about! They do things like tell time (oooh! Ahhh!), or they jump about as if we are watching Beauty and the Beast (less singing and more dancing though, sadly). Then there is the swearing upon blood or silver. You swear on one of those and ohhh boy! you have made a magical promise. So what would twelve, dull, dancing Princesses use this amazing (sarcasm) magic for? Why, of course to swear to never ever reveal where they dance. The plot officially thickens. Random, illogical, barely explained magic? Check.

The Characters:
As aforementioned, you have the dull, dancing Princesses. They are practically interchangeable except one is fiery for no reason, one is mean for no reason, one is pathetic for no reason, one eats a lot (awesome way to give a girl a personality), and the main one is more boring than all of them put together. The King pretty much never says anything but he's in a lot of scenes. He is torturously described as "unreadable" in pretty much every scene. My goodness! Thank you for that amazing insight! An unreadable character? Why, that fits perfectly with the theme of this unreadable book. Also, two physical ticks were mentioned over and over and over again until I wanted to yell at the author to come up with something else that the characters could do or think when they are emotional. I could not handle the King sucking in his cheeks (seriously, have you ever seen someone just randomly do this who isn't attempting to make fish face?) or the main girl clenching her nails into her palms until she bled one more time. The love interest(s?) = wait...take a guess?! If you guessed super lame and boring, then you are right! If a sociopathic murderer who went around and stabbed every single one of the characters, thus killing them, had been introduced in the last 10 pages of the book, I would have felt no loss whatsoever. I might have finally been intrigued, actually. Why kill such inane people, murderer? I want to get to know this murderer better . . .

So, there we have it. I do not recommend this book. Even if you are looking for a book to make you go to sleep, choose another crappy book.

0 Stars

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