Thursday, January 17, 2013

Book Review: Vampire Academy

Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead

Description: St. Vladimir’s Academy isn’t just any boarding school—it’s a hidden place where vampires are educated in the ways of magic and half-human teens train to protect them. Rose Hathaway is a Dhampir, a bodyguard for her best friend Lissa, a Moroi Vampire Princess. They’ve been on the run, but now they’re being dragged back to St. Vladimir’s—the very place where they’re most in danger...
Rose and Lissa become enmeshed in forbidden romance, the Academy’s ruthless social scene, and unspeakable nighttime rituals. But they must be careful lest the Strigoi—the world’s fiercest and most dangerous vampires—make Lissa one of them forever.

Review: So...this book. There were some things I enjoyed about it. Obviously, because I read the second book. On the other hand, there were many many things that annoyed the crap out of me.

Things I could not stomach:
The main character. Rose, in her own words, is a sexy, hot, C cup breasted, curvaceous, beautiful, dark haired vixen. I don't think there could be anyone more in love with the looks of this girl than herself. According to Rose herself, on a good day, she's a ten. If ten was the rating for how unbelievably cocky and full of herself she is, then I would actually rate her about a 20. And what does she do with all these amazing good looks? Why, she sluts around, of course! But, don't worry, she's not really a slut because she's still a blushing virgin. She likes to be mean, be obnoxious, and boys are fun little play things for her. I don't use the word, but this girl is the definition of a . . . [fill in the blank].

The main guy. 6'7", tall, dark, handsome. Brooding. Emotionally stunted. Boring. Shoulder length hair that he keeps in a pony tail. Russian. Bad dresser. Reads western novels all the time. 24 year old who wants to have sex with a 17 year old. Good fighter. Oh, I'm sorry, should I have stopped listing at the part where he wants to sex up a minor seven years younger than him? Yeah, there's nothing hotter than a pervert with a pony tail.

The world. There are three species of vampires. Morois-royal, tall, beautiful, can somewhat stand the sun, control elemental magic but never for aggressive reasons. Strigois (yeah, I know, try saying these stupid names out loud)-pure evil, strongest, fastest, want to eat all vampires and humans, want to kill all the things. Dhampirs-half human-half vampire, can't reproduce unless it's with a Moroi, super strong, fast, agile, all servants and lower class.
So, essentially the wimpy, pathetic, can't defend themselves Moroi, lord over the strong, fast Dhampirs and make them guard them from the Strigoi. This always happens. Like, the zebras always get the hyenas to protect them from the lions. The hyenas just do the zebras bidding for no good reason. Totally logical. All the Dhampirs just go along with it. It's not like they are slaves being forced into submission. they're a very altruistic bunch who love to be lorded over by their snobby, weaker, richer, more pathetic halves (the Moroi, to be clear).

Okay, now I'ma get into something you don't get to know unless you read the book. Don't worry, it's really not revolutionary at all, but if you want to read this book and have been dying of anticipation and don't want a single little thing spoiled, do not read on.

Why the main peoples can't be together. You would think the only reason would be the whole pedophile thing on the part of Dimitri (the main pony tail guy (can't get over the pony tail, pony tails are not hot, they're disturbing)), but it's not. There's a more important reason why this 17 year old, sexy, brat girl who has pretty much been groomed by her older mentor cannot be with him. They cannot, under any circumstances, have a life. Why not? Because the having of a life would distract them from protecting their pathetic little Moroi girl they're supposed to guard. They must forever live alone, with no other friends, relationships, or any contact with their families lest their guard go down for even a moment. In that moment, defenseless Moroi chick could get attacked by Strigoi. Why would that be bad? Well, because then their slave master would be dead and they could live their own lives and make their own choices. How crap would that be? They could then be with the person they love. Horrid.

You might be asking yourself at this point what I liked about the book. Well, the writing wasn't all crap, the pacing was decent, and not all of the characters were the worst people in the world. Read at your own risk. Semi-recommend.

2 Stars

Addendum.
So I went on to read the subsequent five books (yes there are six books in this series. How long of a time period do those six books cover? You might ask. One year. One year, people). The second and third book were also horrible. Possibly worse than the first. The third one was most definitely the most inane, dull, why does this exist!? book of the lot. But then book four was actually quite decent. If I hadn't had to read the first three books in order to comprehend book four I would probably recommend that book and only that book. The fifth and sixth were better than the first three, but still not as good as the fourth, and still not books that I would put on any to-read list for anyone I know. The characters stay pretty much the same. One decent character is introduced but not given nearly enough screen time. The two main girls actually get worse. I know. It didn't seem possible, but they get so much worse. The books are way too long for how little time periods they cover, and there is an excess of pointless descriptions of pretty much everything that Rose sees. I wish she had been written as a blind character. I could rant about each book individually (please stop with the repetitive nonsense! "They come first" "endorphins" and "Zen master wisdom" were said over and over and over again until they lost all meaning. Come up with something else! If I said the same crap over and over and over again in real life like your dumbo characters no one would want to be around me, much less save my life time and again.), but they aren't worth it. My end recommendation is to skip this series. You'll end up reading all of it and feeling nothing at the end.

2 comments:

Becky said...

You need to learn how to accept the reality presented to you in the book. You have your own idea of what the characters should be thinking and you can't let go of it. This is why you don't like many of the books that I recommend.
I enjoyed these books. I wasn't especially fond of the main character, but I am usually am not fond of ya heroines (exception, shatter me). It is a flaw of most all ya books.
Well, sorry you didn't like the series. Don't know why you read the whole series when you weren't especially fond of them. My rating would be a 3.5.

Sarah said...

I did give it a two stars. I felt I was being pretty charitable with those two stars. Why'd I read all of 'em? Because I could get them on my Kindle and skim them, and because I read the Bloodlines (I like those much more than Vampire Academy) books and realized that all of the characters in that were in VA, and I wanted more background information to better appreciate them.
I don't need to learn to accept a ridiculous reality presented to me in a book unless I'm reading Alice in Wonderland. Then ridiculous makes sense. But I would no more accept the premise of these books than if the nature channel edited footage from the safari to look like the hyenas were guarding zebras from the lions. My intelligence would tell me it's false, and I like to trust my brain when it tells me true things.
It's okay if we don't like the same books. I don't mind that you enjoyed these ones; many many people agree with your assessment.